Greetings from the deep end!
Winter camp has come and gone. We had a fantastic time in Buffalo and in the Big Horns last weekend. I believe that it was one of our most successful camps. Caleb Coy brought the word to the kids with a fierce honesty and passion that really seemed to connect in them. I am excited to see what the future will bring with my kids, the Wyoming kids and our future camps.
As always, time passes and life continues on and I now look to "THE NEXT BIG THING". That next big thing will be coming in the next 21 days or so. It will weigh somewhere between six and seven pounds, will wear pink and be called Aryll Marie. For the last eight months, if a person were to ask me if I were excited I would have said no. I would have said something about being nervous that we were having a girl, I would have said "what am I gonna do with a girl!?! I don't even know what to do with the boy!!!" However, time and life (and an unprecedented miracle) have brought me to a place of unmanageable excitement. I do not wish to be "wrapped around her finger" but I am looking forward to experiencing the same growth, adventure and relationship that Xander brought into my life, again...but differently. I realize that no two kids are alike, and that mine will be no exception to that rule. But if Pam's pregnancy is anything to go by, Aryll will be quite similar to Xander. She is the same size and has the same general sleep habits he did. Xander and Aryll both went to youth camps when Pam was at eight months (that is, they both experienced the same volume and music styles at the same point in their development). Aryll rests when Pam drums and gets agitated when she stops, just as Xander did. This gives me hope. Hope that my daughter might like music as much as Pam, Xander and myself. I want my daughter to be an individual and to do her own things and be her own person, but I do not want her to be a black sheep. I want her to love and want to experience the same things that Pam, Xander and I do. I fear that she and I will not get along, that she won't like me, and that we will have nothing in common. This is the same fear I had with Xander. This is my greatest fear as a growing parent, and likely the reason for me not being excited sooner.
This is an illogical fear. Most of my fears are illogical. I suppose that any fear would be illogical, knowing who God is, what He does and how He takes care of his children. How He makes all things work for their betterment. That is all I want, ultimately. To make things work for my children. I want them to have good relationships with each other and their parents. I want them to grow and experience life and love and happiness. I do not want them to suffer needlessly, however, sometimes they will suffer, and I hope that they can learn from it and grow through it. God never said he would keep us from suffering, He never said bad things wouldn't happen, He just said things would turn out well. That is where my final hope lies, and I believe that is why I am now excited about our new arrival, because God will make all things well for me and my children.